SAN DIEGO — Grace Marriage has filled a gap in marriage ministry at four local parishes.
The marriage enrichment program, founded in Kentucky in 2012, has been adopted by St. Brigid Parish in Pacific Beach, San Rafael Parish in Rancho Bernardo, St. Therese Parish in Del Cerro and St. Gregory the Great Parish in Scripps Ranch.
“When we consider the amount of time and energy that we invest, without thinking, into continuing education for our careers and even for our hobbies, why wouldn’t we devote time, energy and some money to … our vocation of marriage?” asked Kathy Medenwald, a Grace Marriage facilitator at St. Gregory the Great Parish. “And yet, we sail through life, just expecting it to work on autopilot.”
Supportive funding was provided to each parish by the diocesan Office for Family Life and Spirituality, which was awarded a grant from the Catholic Marriage Initiatives (CMI) Fund to help parishes develop programs to strengthen Catholic marriages.
“There’s a growing recognition that family decline is largely driving faith decline,” said John Prust, director of the Office for Family Life and Spirituality.
He noted the “massive, lifelong impact” that their parents’ marriage has on the faith practice of their grown children.
“Statistics show that millennials from married homes are almost 80% more likely to attend church than peers from unmarried homes,” Prust said.
“Grace Marriage provides a framework for couples to develop stronger marriage and communication skills, while also offering a forum for fellowship among couples and families at the parish,” he said.
“Frankly, what we have seen so far has far exceeded expectations. All four parishes got off to really great starts and continue to do well,” said Prust. “It’s clearly meeting a need that was there.”
Grace Marriage debuted at St. Brigid Parish in May of 2024. About 35 couples participated in that first series, which ended in January. A second series has been underway since May 17. Meetings are held every month, except July and December, and are preceded by dinner.
San Rafael Parish, which launched the program last September and wrapped up the series on June 18, had 44 couples meeting monthly.
St. Therese Parish held the first of its monthly meetings on Jan. 8 and, after taking a break in July and August, will continue meeting through February of next year. Thirty-three couples are participating, with between 20 and 25 attending any given session.
St. Gregory the Great Parish, which offers Grace Marriage on a quarterly basis, held its first session on May 3. Seventeen couples have signed up for the program, which will be held on four Saturday mornings throughout the year, each session lasting four hours.
At each parish, married couples serve as the facilitators.
Gayle Heyman, director of family formation at St. Brigid’s, said that Grace Marriage is about “making intentional time with your spouse and inviting God into all of that.” Participants run the gamut from those married for “just a few months” to “close to 50 years.”
Kathy and Ron Medenwald, volunteer facilitators at St. Gregory the Great Parish, said that each meeting begins with the screening of a video presentation on a particular topic, after which each individual fills out a worksheet on the same topic, and then couples share their responses one-on-one. Later, there’s an opportunity for couples to share their insights with the larger group.
Ron Medenwald said that Grace Marriage is “Scripture-based, and I found that to be very meaningful.”
Aida Estrada, who serves as marriage, family life and discipleship coordinator at San Rafael Parish, said that 80 to 90% of a session involves spouses discussing things amongst themselves.
She said that there were times when the discussions “got really deep” and addressed “topics … that they would not have spoken about otherwise.”
Estrada recalled a particular session during which the couples were told to list the things about their spouse for which they are most grateful.
“One of the women … shared with me that she’s never heard her husband say any of those things to her,” she said. “She had no idea that that’s the way he felt.”
Estrada recalled looking around the room and, many times, seeing the couples laughing, crying, cuddling and even dancing.
“This isn’t about marriage counseling; this is about marriage growth,” said Goldie Kakacek, who facilitates Grace Marriage at St. Therese Parish with her husband, Steve.
She noted that the curriculum is practical, not based in a “fantasy … world” where “everything was perfect.”
“Everybody feels that they walk away with a tool or something that they can work with their spouse on over the next month,” she said.
Yvonne Sherman and her husband, Les, are Grace Marriage facilitators at St. Brigid’s.
He said that each monthly installment is presented as “a date night,” where the couples’ childcare needs are met by parish volunteers.
Explaining that Grace Marriage’s “core takeaway” is “intentionality,” Kathy Medenwald said, “We are encouraged to intentionally date our spouse, and that means setting aside three to five hours a week – no kids, no technology, no distractions, no interruptions.”
She added that couples are held accountable with weekly emails and at the next session.
“Ron and I have been married 45 years, and we started dating weekly,” Medenwald said.
She said that 10% of each session allows for optional group-sharing that “builds a sense of community.”
“I see (that) just extending into the parish,” she said. “We’re starting to see people now at Mass that we didn’t know before Grace Marriage and vice versa. … I could see it really changing the culture, if it becomes a pillar of ministry in our parish.”
Kakacek said that Grace Marriage has brought St. Therese Parish and St. Therese Academy closer together by drawing in some school families that weren’t as involved at the parish.
Msgr. Steve Callahan, pastor of St. Brigid Parish, also has witnessed the program’s impact on the wider community.
“(Grace Marriage) certainly is a benefit to the couples themselves, and I think it leads to greater participation in the parish, too,” he said.
“We’ve seen some really nice friendships grow out of the couples who met in the process,” said Heyman. “So, it’s been really enriching to us as a parish.”
